I don’t have any children myself and the only experiences I have had with motherhood are vicarious at best. I have plenty of nieces and nephews – cousins from both sides of the family are blessed – so any semblance of maternal instinct I have ever felt were not directed to my own progeny. The kids still belong to the same family tree so I don’t really mind.
Which is why I feel really protective of my nieces and nephews. God forbid a bully ever gives them any trouble. I hate bullies. I don’t understand their cruelty or why they waste other people’s time trying to validate who they are or play out personal vendettas. If your child is ever bullied, here are ways to teach them to protect themselves and prevent the attacks:
Try to be on top of things.
Children can be quite sensitive and if your child is being bullied, he’s probably too ashamed to tell you. Some kids think they’re being wimpy if they tell their parents about the ‘bad boy’ or ‘bad girl’ giving them trouble in school.
If your child suddenly seems quiet, withdrawn, worried about going to school or unhappy about certain aspects of school, coax them to talk to you. At this point, you are the only person your child can turn to for help.
Teach your children to protect themselves.
Bullies are an insecure lot. They prey on other children who they think are weaker than they are because that’s all they can handle. Ever heard of a bully who tried to take down someone twice his or her size or someone who was too smart for them? No way. Only the truly brave ones do that. Bullies simply don’t. They will always go for the one who is smaller, more shy, seemingly insecure and those who don’t fight back.
The key is to teach your child a few avoidance tactics first. They will need to learn this if they want to prevent any encounters with the bully. Next, teach them how to fight back with words or humor. If you have ever listened to a bully talk, you’ll know that behind the words is plain air – nothingness. The words and the actions are the main weapons.
If your child has the gift for gab, a well-timed one-liner will often do the trick. If not, consider signing up your child for self-defense or self-improvement classes. The self-defense lessons are not meant to encourage your child to hit back each time (showing off or the unnecessary use of force is often frowned upon in many martial arts discipline) but it will help build their self-confidence.
Teach your child about self respect.
Tell your children it’s okay to be different and to view the world from a different perspective. The earlier they understand this, the better it will be for them. It will also teach them to be more tolerant of others who march to the beat of a different drummer.
If you yourself see your child’s uniqueness, call his or her attention to it and declare it as undesirable, you’re setting the stage for your child to view this wonderful difference as something bad. Instead, help them accept this uniqueness so they’ll learn to love themselves. If they do, they’ll have more self-confidence to handle the bullies and put them in their place.
Be present.
Most bullies get intimidated by the presence of a parent or authority figure. From time to time, make your presence be known. Let your child know that whatever happens, you will be there to protect them. It’s your job as a parent. You probably will not fight their battles for them but you will be there.
And that spells a lot of difference for your kid. Bullies, too, will find this distracting, mainly because you’re not the object of their attack – your child is. If you’re there and you let it be known that you won’t allow your child to take any c**p from anyone, the bully will get the message.
If the bullying continues, talk to the other parent.
Talking to the bully will probably not cut it. Go straight to the parent instead. Discuss the problem in a civil manner – don’t yell, make accusations or try to pin all the blame on the bully. You’re talking to another parent who probably feels just as protective of their child as you do. Just present the incidents of bullying as proof of the activities and ask for assistance.
If the parent agrees to help, well and good. If they resist or make accusations themselves, tell them that you will complain to school or community authorities.
Tell your child to go to the proper authorities.
Authority figures in school or in communities can be very helpful for giving your child support during times when they need it most. If the bullying gets especially nasty or tough, tell your child to immediately seek an older person’s advice or assistance. It may stop the bullying temporarily or it might not but at least your child has immediate access to emotional and physical support when they need it most.
Do not reprimand your child for being weak.
Some children are just plain passive and meek. But this does not automatically make them weaklings. They just probably find it ridiculous to start or participate in nonsensical activities such as bullying. If your child is like this, thank your genes for it. You’ve been blessed by a highly evolved being. Show your gratitude through your love and support.
